brandi in dublin continued

on wednesday, march 8, my friend rachelle from my women, feminism, and the creative and cultural industries course and i got coffee at the tram before class. we talked about our favorite movies and our past relationships and our friends. it was so cool to sit down and talk to her because i haven't really been able to reach out of my little box and make friends with other people in my classes. everyone kinda seems to have their friends solidified. we walked to class together and she invited me to join her for the cabaret that was happening in the student union that night. dcu is putting on a performance of tick, tick...boom! and her friend isabelle is in the cast. they performed some of their songs at the end of the show and it reignited my love for that film. i hummed 30/90 for the rest of the night. the show reminded me of high school and hanging out during theatre practice. i think the best part of any performance is seeing how close the performers are and how joyfully they congratulate each other. i miss that quite a bit. i don’t think i’ll ever experience that same sort of thing in my lifetime. this week of classes was pretty unpredictable. the rain would stop and start. it would come down in buckets or just mist for a while. the forecast had no way of properly predicting it. on more than one occasion, i had soup. i spent a lot of time by steamy windows, writing or reading or staring. saturday, march 12, was the day me and allison had picked to go see molière's tartuffe at the abbey theatre (the national theatre of ireland). but on our way there, allison suddenly got extremely lightheaded and dizzy. we had to get off the bus and slowly make our way across the street through the wind and rain to get on a different one to take her back to campus and get some sugar in her. i went to the show by myself while allison rested. before the show, an older man next to me was chatting with an older lady and telling her about all the performances he's been to. he seemed proud of himself, bragging about his pretentious, high brow experiences. he told her he's been going to all the theatres for so long and he used to be able to recognize all the actors he'd seen before, but now they've all stopped performing, and he can’t recognize anyone anymore. that was quite sad. the show opened with the characters raving in the dining room, dancing on the table, spinning and standing on chairs, bottles raised, and they were all dressed in 16th century dress. the guy who played tartuffe kept spitting as he was delivering his lines…i'm still not sure if that was intentional or not. it was a wonderful performance! and a beautiful theatre. i read tartuffe in my renaissance-modern literature class with professor berger back in the fall semester of my freshman year at siue. he wrote one of my recommendation letters that got me into this study abroad program. i can't wait to tell him i got to see this show. allison was feeling better and we planned to meet up at queen of tarts (popular dessert shop in dublin) after the show. her bus got delayed, however, so she arrived 15 minutes before the shop closed, and we had to get desserts to go. sunday, the following day, i had tickets to see the backseat lovers at vicar street. i spent the morning writing bits of my research paper at the tram and walking through the park. allison and i went to the brazen head for dinner and drinks before the show. we got bangers and mash (of course) and tried bulmer's cider. the place was extremely crowded. after all, it was the weekend before st. patrick's day, and the pub was crawling with tourists and people coming into the city for the celebration. we sat at our table in the corner entirely unable to hear each other speak because everyone was laughing and talking so loud. the games were on the television and we had unfortunately sat right next to the speaker system. we walked to the concert and arrived an hour before doors. it was perfect timing, because right after we got there, everyone started to show up. we were stood in line behind a group of friends. they all had platform shoes and one guy had a cool, brown newsie-esqe cap and beige pants with pockets on the outer knees. one of them is someone i recognize from campus and i'm almost completely positive they work at the campus londis. they were joking and taking cool photos with the streetlights behind them. they seemed to be having a wonderful time. it made me miss my friends. once we were let into the venue, we got places in the row right behind barricade. score! the opener was a band called junodream. allison got a pick from the guitarist after their set. i've been listening to the backseat lovers for years but i didn't realize until hearing them live that they're probably my favorite band. my number one. dubliners cheer loudly, and the band walked on stage with the biggest smiles on their faces. they played so many songs from their first album, which surprised me, because i figured they'd be leaning into their newest release. close your eyes is my favorite track. and it was the first one they played. watch your mouth, kilby girl, and pictures were the best songs to hear live. the whole show was energetic and we got to experience an "olayyy olay olay olayy" moment with the dublin crowd. tuesday night, i wore my backseat lovers tshirt to class, got a burrito for lunch, and met rachelle for a fashion show at dcu's helix. before coming to ireland, i had researched my university's campuses and apparently the helix hosts large events and concerts. this was my first time going inside the venue and, sure enough, it’s huge! the theme was “the anatomy of a kiss”, so they divided the show into the phases of falling in love. they had looks for infatuation and admiration and there was one choreographed moment where a model wrote a love letter and handed it off to another model as they strolled past them on the stage. two of the models were awarded a year long contract with a modeling agency. when they came out to accept their certificates, they were shaking and crying and hugging each other and it was a really beautiful moment to observe. wednesday morning, march 15, allison and i met up to head down to connolly station and board our train up to belfast. she had two tickets to a lovejoy concert up there so, rather than spend that one day in belfast, we decided to make a weekend out of it. the train ride was a little over two hours. getting our tickets printed and putting our luggage overhead and pulling out my laptop and writing was really enjoyable. people have been taking trains longer than cars and there’s this image i have in my head of a guy in a long brown coat with a leather satchel and thick paper writing with charcoal and smoking in a train car somewhere between his place of business and his home. things look different now. for one, leather satchels cost more than i can afford to expend, so i have a faux leather bag instead. a bag that’s traveled with me at both of my universities, through vienna, bordeaux, paris, now northern ireland, and soon, edinburgh, and hopefully amsterdam, munich, and italy. my journal does have thick paper, but i don’t write with charcoal. i write with clear blue plastic pens made from recycled water bottles. i also haven’t taken up smoking, but i have been drinking aloe water at a rate of consumption almost comparable to a person with a nic addiction. and i am traveling between home and a place for holiday. the train car has purple seats and tables and tiny screens displaying the names of the passengers corresponding with their seats. the modern world looks nothing like his did. i’ll bet he’d be intrigued to see what my world looks like now. and i’m curious to see his. one thing that hasn’t changed, not truly, is the landscape out the window. i can’t believe i rode a train through the french countryside before i rode one through the irish countryside. it was raining for most of the ride, but every once in a while, the sun breaks through the clouds and the hills glow bright natural green. similar to all the cornfields back home, the hedges divide the mountains of ireland to make them look like squares of patchwork. when we got to belfast, it was still raining, and we got on a bus, dropped our belongings off at our airbnb, and went to a burger place. it was called bunsen, and their menus were on little business cards. the interior was pretty modernized with well lit wall lights that didn't blind you and solid wood booth seating and sleek black trim everywhere. i had a traditional scottish cider called thistly cross. we had to walk about six minutes to the telegraph building for our concert. we walked through the sprinkling rain in the little streets. albeit run down, they were colorful and full of art and string lights. we went down an alleyway that had snippets of louis macneice's poem, meeting point, cut out of the metal plaques on the fence. i read them aloud as we walked past. my favorite stanza said, "god or whatever means the good, be praised that time can stop like this, that what the heart has understood, can verify in the body's peace, god or whatever means the good". when we got to the venue, fans had started lining up and talking with each other. allison was number 53 and i was number 54. we got in the queue around 4:15. the rain was still coming down, and slowly getting worse and worse as the night progressed. at 5, the line moved closer to the building and we were stood next to two people named teeth and bee. they're from derry and bee had gotten teeth these tickets for christmas. they both bonded with allison over all the band lore lol. i've heard of all of it vaguely. one, because i'm online a lot. and two, because alli absolutely loves this band. i wish i could've teleported her here with me for the show. the line ended up wrapping around all five sides of the building, looping around the where the line began. thank god we got there as early as we did, otherwise the queue would've been horrible. the only downside is that we stood in the line for three hours before they let us into the venue. it was raining and the temperature was steadily dropping as the sun set. i lost feeling in my fingers first. then my toes. and then the cold found its way to my core. my whole body temperature dropped. allison was holding up her flimsy umbrella for the four of us, but it wasn't really enough. we were all drenched. at one point, the band walked out the door in front of us. wilbur, ash, mark, joe, and some other guys were headed to dinner. they walked past and waved, but my hands were numb and i couldn't get my phone out fast enough to record them or get a photo to send to alli. but, my god…wilbur is so tall. inside the venue wasn't any better. it was basically like a big warehouse with no heater or insulation. i went to the bathroom but couldn't rebutton my jeans because i couldn't get my fingers to maneuver the loop. we were in the third row from barricade. during the second opener, bears in trees, someone in the crowd collapsed. the whole show was stopped, and a crowd of the venue's emergency personnel had to make their way through all the fans, clearing out a ring of space around the person. they must've hit their head, because they were unresponsive for quite a long time. they had to be carried out of the crowd. it might've been the cold, or it might've been fear, but i was shaking so bad and had to focus on staring at the floor. i was really worried about whoever had fallen. but i centered myself when the band came back on and continued their set. in one of their songs, they pose the question, "how am i overflowing when i feel so empty?" and that's such a good way to describe emotion. kinda reminds me of the jet black alley cat lyric from rewind when they say "i think maybe i'm a victim of too much noise." bears in trees was amazing and i ended up making a spotify playlist for them while we were waiting for lovejoy to come on. i've been listening to lovejoy for a month or two to prepare for the show, and it was a good call because i recognized most of the songs! bee got the drummer's drumstick after the show. the crowd quickly dispersed and it immediately got cold again. we picked up pizza for takeaway and took it back to our airbnb to eat before warming up and going to bed. thursday, we walked to a cafe called established coffee where i got porridge (it had coconut in it which reminded me of my mom) and an iced matcha. we thought our train was at 11:20, but at the station, we found out it wasn't until 2:20. we had three hours to explore belfast on foot. we walked along the river and took pictures of queen's bridge. on my left, i noticed an old stone building we had walked past on our way to the train station. it was a little cafe with stained glass windows, so i went in to get a mocha. in the back, there was a piercing and tattoo shop, and they had an opening in their schedule in 20 minutes. we had time to kill, so i decided to get my triples pierced. while i was chatting with the peircer, she was asking me about living in dublin and what i was studying. when i told her i was an english literature major, she informed me that she's actually seamus heaney's great niece!?!?! her name is karen heaney. what are the chances, ya know!? that absolutely blew my mind. it's one of the things from this semester that i'm never gonna shut up about. afterwards, we decided to get lunch before getting on our train. we went to this big mall called victoria square in search of some japanese food at wagamama. once inside, however, we realized there was a nandos. and it's the nandos in belfast closest to the telegraph building…meaning it's probably the nando's that lovejoy went to the night before! i've been meaning to go to the one in dublin, so this was the greatest possible time to try it. we both had butterfly chicken and i got their butternut squash. it was amazing!!! after nando's, we caught our train and rode up to coleraine. we arrived around 3:40. we planned to catch a bus at 4:10, but when we tried to pay the driver with our coins, we remembered that the uk uses pounds, not euros, so we had no way of paying for our fare. we went to the atm, but it only printed notes, not coins. and the north doesnt have the taxi system we have in dublin. we were stuck. we explained our problem to the cashier at the station cafe and asked it she'd be able to give us coins for our euro cash. she couldn't, but she gave us the most obvious advice and i can't believe i didn't think of myself. if we printed pounds from the atm, she could give us coins for those bills. so we got enough coins for the bus fare! but after all of this, we had missed the bus we needed. and the only option we had left was to wait for the last bus of the night which would depart at 5:50. for our three days in causeway, i had booked an airbnb in the upstairs part of a home owned by a retired couple named anne and reggie. i had messaged anne and told her we were arriving at 1, and then at 4, and then 5, and then had to clarify that we wouldn't there till 6. i felt awful for being so flaky on her. but when we finally got our bus to her road, she picked us up from the bus stop in her little red car and greeted us. i sat in the front and, i didnt realize until i was faling asleep that night, but i didnt think twice about the fact that i had gotten into the car as a passenger on the left side. it doesn't feel foreign anymore. she drove us up to her house and told us that she'd try to give us a ride whenever she could and gave us recommendations on what to do for dinner. we ended up ordering a pizza to the house. their home was on a long side road. they had two donkeys out front in the fence. they had light brown siding and white concrete walls. it was clear that anne loved gardening because the yard had amazing landscaping! we stepped inside, and my european dream home fantasy was made into reality. there was a grandfather clock, ceramic tiling, wooded floors and intricate rugs, glass sliding doors, and reggie's english bikes. to the left, was the sitting room and their kitchen, and to the right was the staircase leading up to our side of the house. we left our shoes downstairs and headed up. the room had two beds with little yellow flowered patterns on the bedspreads, a desk with a lace table runner, and two of the most european windows ever. they were skylight windows, the kind that are installed at a slant, and they looked out on the donkeys and the expansive green hills of the northern coast. i almost cried. this was the first house that allison or i had stepped foot in in two whole months. the carpet was spotless. the fridge had milk and water. anne had left us peanuts and pringles and hot cocoa mix. i hadn't showered since before standing in the rain and cold before the concert, so the bathroom with yellow rugs and dark blue parting curtains and lemon bergamot soap was a warm welcome. the lemon soap smelled really good and honestly, i think if i ever find my own signature scent, its gonna have a hint of lemon. i showered and we enjoyed our hot cocoa and pizza. we did some homework and i watched the sturniolos and started a video essay on dante's inferno before we went to bed. as i was falling asleep on my freshly peirced ear lobs, i could hear my heartbeat in my pillow. when i was a kid, i used to think that sound was actually the far off footsteps of a dinosaur approching to lift the roof off of my house and eat me and my family like tiny raisins. it was obviously an irrational fear. friday, st. patrick's day, we woke up and got ready to go to giant's causeway. anne had offered us a ride that morning, since their public transport is so spotty up there. we spoke with reggie a bit in the morning. he told us about his bikes and how, every friday morning, he meets his friend and they walk along the beach in portrush. he said it's the thing he most looks forward to every week. anne returned a little after 9 because she was looking after her granddaughter, poppy, this weekend and had to pick her up from her house. poppy and anne fed the chickens and looked for eggs while allison and i got to look around their yard. they had a clothesline with yellow shirts and towels hanging out to dry. as we were getting into anne's car, she helped poppy into her carseat and said "in you pop". how cute is that!? we had her take us to a cafe called bothy white park bay. on the way there, i asked her about the yellow flowered hedges that seem to be everywhere all over ireland. she told me they're called whin bushes. around easter, they boil the petals to make yellow dye for dyeing their eggs. she pointed out the towns and told us about the difficulty they have with school funding. a lot of their primary schools close. i got a cortado and a guinness brownie with my pancakes, bacon, mixed berries, and cream. we sat in a side room, almost like a patio, newly built on the side of the building. there was a group of girls in there speaking to each other about something mundane. their voices were soothing. the irish accent feels familiar now. we sat by the fireplace and enjoyed our food and listened to the irish music and sea shanties for about an hour and a half. then we started our walk. we walked along the side of the main road to get to the pedestrian path that follows the cliffs. it was supposed to rain, but it didn't. the sun came out every once in a while. we walked through a neighborhood that had some newer houses being built and landscaped. one house had big glass windows all around it and we could see right through. cars would drive down the road, we’d smile at the driver, and they’d slow down to pass us. there were crows. i picked a flower off the side of the road and tucked it behind my ear. i put three flowers in my bag, smashed inside my passport to flatten and preserve them. the ground was muddy. there were fields of sheep of course. we saw cows and a few horses. the dunseverick castle ruins weren’t anything special. they were small, but they were on top of a giant rock jutting right out of the sea, covered in green, a steep and muddy climb to the top. starting the pedestrian path, we asked somebody walking past if we were going the right direction. they told us we were. allison complimented their shirt and we joked for a bit and found out they had been at the lovejoy concert too! what a small world. the cliff walk was gorgeous. the whin hedges were everywhere! there were wooden fences parallel with the path all along the way. we ran into quite a few beautiful lookouts. there was an area that had a tiny little house off in the distance, and it really put into perspective just how big these cliffs really were. hozier had released three songs the night before and i hadn’t listened to them yet, so i pulled my phone out and played them while we walked. eat your young has become one of the most recurring songs in my rotation ever since. the walk took about four hours. we talked about our classes, our relationships, and the things that people have said to us that made us feel bad. we passed an old couple eating sandwiches on a bench in the most random and remote area of the path. i hope they were having a good day. we ended our walk at the actual causeway. i had never heard of giant’s causeway until allison suggested we visit. apparently the rock columns are a result of an old eruption, but basically it’s a rock coastline where all of the rocks are pentagon and hexagon shaped pillars stacked upright sloping down to the sea. it’s natural, but it looks like something you’d see in a painting or a geometric video game. it was strange and wondrous. we climbed around them and took photos by the water in the sun before going to a restaurant called the nook to get dinner and a pint of bulmer’s cider to celebrate st. patrick’s day. anne offered to come pick us up, so we went to the nearest town and checked out the shops until 5. we went into a bookstore where i found a book of heaney poems and joyce’s dubliners. back at anne and reggie’s house, i listened to all of the new songs that had been released the night before that i hadn’t heard yet and watched video essays and compilations on youtube until i went to bed. saturday, reggie took us into coleraine. it was raining pretty hard and his old windshield wipers weren’t doing much. i’m surprised he could even see the road. we went to a cafe where i got an iced latte with honey. nothing of note really happened this day. it was a day for travel. i read bell hooks on the train and watched the irish sea hold so silent and still while i went flying past it. there was an older lady and her group of friends sitting near us on the train. they were laughing so hard they were snorting and it solidified my determination to hold on tightly to my friends for the rest of my life. half way through the ride, some more of their friends got on the train and joined up with them. one lady had to store something above allison’s head, and she stumbled a bit while she was reaching. the train had just begun moving and everything was wobbly. she joked “oh haha sorry! you probably think i’m drunk”. allison smiled “no of course not, you’re totally fine”. suddenly, bottles magically appeared out of thin air. the ladies all popped open bottles of beers and their laughing got even louder. when they reached their stop, they bustled off the train in a line, bottles clinking in their bags. allison and i looked at each other and smiled. a group of teenage girls got on after them and took their seats. young people around here like to wear black leather jackets and light wash jeans. all six of these girls were dressed in that same outfit. like they were twins and their parents had dressed them for a family photoshoot. they seemed like they were putting on a performance for the rest of the passengers on a train. they were talking loudly about darties and one girl told them the whole story behind why her dad is about to go to prison and how he sends her $500 every week because he feels bad. sometimes i feel like people aren’t real. back in dublin, we took a tram to nandos. the tram was crowded and this baby wouldn’t stop crying. and not in the typical way a baby cries. sometimes those tears are bearable and i can feel empathetic. but no, this baby cried like their lungs were restricted and they couldn’t breathe. i was so grateful to get off. we had dinner, went back to campus, i showered, did my laundry, and packed to meet my family at the airport the next morning.